What Should I Tell My Therapist?

You may be sitting outside your first appointment rehearsing your whole life story, then worrying you will say the wrong thing.

If you are asking, “What should I tell my therapist?” the reassuring answer is: you do not have to explain everything perfectly to begin.

Therapy is not a test of how clearly you can describe what is happening. It is a supportive space where you and your therapist can make sense of what has been hard, one conversation at a time.

You might be seeking counselling because of constant overthinking, exhaustion that rest does not fix, conflict at home, panic, grief, low mood, or simply a feeling that you do not feel like yourself anymore.

Any of those are enough places to begin.

What Should I Tell My Therapist First?

Start with what feels most present.

You might say:

“I have been anxious all the time and I don’t know why.”

“I keep shutting down during arguments with my partner.”

Or simply:

“I have a lot going on, and I’m nervous to talk about it.”

A therapist does not need a polished version of events. It can help to explain what brought you to counselling now, how long it has been affecting you, and what you are noticing in everyday life.

For example, burnout can show up as irritability, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, pulling away from people, or feeling guilty whenever you rest.

Specific examples can also help. Instead of trying to summarize everything that has happened, describe a recent moment when you felt overwhelmed. Your therapist can ask questions and help you make sense of the bigger picture.

Share What You Hope Will Feel Different

You do not need to arrive with a treatment plan.

You may want to understand your anxiety, communicate more effectively, set boundaries without guilt, feel more confident, cope with a loss, or understand why certain situations affect you so strongly.

It is also completely okay to say:

“I don’t know what I need. I just know I don’t want to keep feeling this way.”

Your goals can become clearer as therapy progresses.

If you’re nervous about counselling itself, tell your therapist that too. Maybe you’ve had an unhelpful experience with therapy before, you’re afraid of being judged, or you’re worried about discussing painful experiences.

Those concerns can be part of the conversation.

Talk About the Things You Usually Minimize

People often dismiss the very things that are affecting them most.

Maybe you replay conversations for hours, become numb during conflict, say yes when you want to say no, feel angry more quickly than you used to, struggle to trust people, or feel disconnected from your partner.

These patterns are worth talking about even if they don’t seem “serious enough.”

Relevant background can also help your therapist understand you. This might include major life changes, relationships, previous counselling, medications, substance use, cultural or spiritual values, health concerns, or experiences of trauma.

You remain in control of how much detail you provide.

In trauma-informed counselling, you should not have to tell your entire trauma history before you are ready. Therapy can begin with building safety and developing practical coping and grounding strategies.

Tell Your Therapist What Helps You Feel Comfortable

You can tell your therapist what makes conversations easier or harder.

Maybe you need a little silence after a difficult question, prefer direct feedback, find eye contact uncomfortable, or worry about becoming emotional.

You can also ask questions about confidentiality, how sessions work, what happens if you become overwhelmed, or what you can expect from counselling.

If something your therapist says doesn’t sit well with you, you can bring that up too. Therapy should be collaborative, and feedback can help your counsellor understand what you need.

What If I Can’t Find the Words?

Sometimes anxiety, overwhelm, or painful experiences make it difficult to explain what is happening.

You can:

Bring notes from your phone.
Describe what you notice physically.
Talk about one recent situation instead of your entire history.
Say, “There’s something I want to talk about, but I’m not ready to explain all of it yet.”

Your therapist can work with that.

You do not have to tell your deepest story during your first appointment. Trust can develop over time.

However, information affecting your immediate safety is important to share. Tell your therapist if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, cannot keep yourself safe, or are experiencing abuse or violence.

If you are in immediate danger or cannot keep yourself safe, contact emergency services or an appropriate crisis service rather than waiting for your next counselling appointment.

Let Therapy Be a Conversation, Not a Performance

There is no perfect first session.

You might cry, go quiet, change your mind, lose your train of thought, or leave feeling both relieved and tired.

The most useful thing you can tell your therapist is often simply the truth of where you are right now:

“I’m overwhelmed.”

“I don’t know how to ask for help.”

“I want things to change, but I’m scared.”

That’s enough to begin.

Meet Our Counsellors

Finding a counsellor who feels like a good fit matters. Our team brings different credentials, areas of focus, and therapeutic approaches.

Jessa Turner, MPCC

Anxiety · Burnout · Relationships · Overthinking · People-Pleasing · Life Transitions

Jessa supports adults, teens, and young adults with anxiety, stress, burnout, self-doubt, relationship challenges, people-pleasing, boundaries, overthinking, and significant life transitions.

In-person in Coquitlam · Online across BC

Meet Jessa Turner →

Natasha Carville, RCC

Anxiety · Trauma · Depression · Grief & Loss

Natasha supports adults experiencing anxiety, trauma, depression, grief, and loss. Her approaches include EMDR, CBT, DBT, EFT, mindfulness, and Solution-Focused Therapy.

In-person in Victoria · Online across BC

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Lina Abbas, CCC

Anxiety · Stress · Depression · Trauma · Emotional Overwhelm

Lina supports adults experiencing anxiety, stress, depression, trauma, and emotional overwhelm using approaches including CBT, ACT, DBT, and Solution-Focused Therapy. Counselling is available in English and Arabic.

Online across BC

Meet Lina Abbas, CCC →

Roxanne Hahn, RTC

Trauma · Identity · Neurodivergence · Relationships · LGBTQ+ Experiences

Roxanne provides trauma-informed, relational, and anti-oppressive counselling. Her areas of focus include trauma, identity, neurodivergence, LGBTQ+ experiences, relationships, couples, and family systems.